Also, just remembered I had made this a few years ago. It was 11th grade, and I’m in my second year of university, so about 4 years. Just keep fighting for what you love, and eventually what they think won’t matter. I still dress that way, and it makes me happy. So fuck what anyone else thinks, because you’ll find people that accept and appreciate you for who you are.
I wish I felt as beautiful normally as I do when I look in these photos.
I wish I radiated the same confidence as when I’m in front of the camera.
Why can’t this translate into the everyday?
Why can’t I exist as the girl I see before me?
I will always care about people; about their hearts and about who they are. If that makes me stupid, then so be it. I’m an idiot.
The day, it shines. It’s like a beautiful reminder that life really is going to work out. I’m thrilled. I’ve just finished writing my second last final of university, and well, it went wonderfully. I feel as though I can do anything. I feel amazing. I’m absolutely terrified, yet exhilarated at the prospect of what is to come. I’m living for the moment—right now. I’m 19, and so ready to just have an adventure. It’s but a few short days away.
Last night I lay awake, dreaming of the days to come—dreading yet relinquishing in the unknown. In the depths of my desires his face crossed my mind again, and with it came the words I can’t remember to forget.
“And how’s my first impression?”
“Wonderful, and mine?”
“Impeccable.”
In a tone like velvet, he spoke. Such a contrast to the cold in the last thing he said to me, “I’m good, thanks.” I had proposed only friendship. I just wish I could comprehend what it is I did that was so… wrong.
Perhaps once I’ve had time to get out of this city and figure out where I’m supposed to be things will make more sense. We all have our own demons, and that is something we must overcome on our own. Maybe one day he’ll figure out that I was only trying to offer kindness, or—maybe not. Either way, I will not live resenting the boy. I will find happiness in my own endeavors.
